Never Let In TrickOrTreaters
by ShoesDoNotExist
Summary: Our favorite characters from all different time periods learn the same valuable lesson. James and Lily is here next will be our favorite Gryffindor ghost!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own a dog, several imaginary friends, a few split personalities, but I don't own these characters. **

**Throughout the ages, witches and wizards have learned one of the most important life lessons in the wizarding world. Never trust a trick-or-treater on Halloween. In the wizarding world, they normally aren't after candy.**

**This chapter starts on the Halloween in Harry's first year. I will be moving backwards in time from there.**

**The person whose viewpoint the story is being told will be bolded. It will change throughout the chapter. R&R please!**

**Quirrell and Filch **

**Quirrell:**

I had to get that Stone! I didn't need to be punished any more than I already had by my master. So I devised a plan. It was rather ingenious, I must say. If I let in a troll, the teachers, and more importantly Dumbledore, would all be completely distracted. They wouldn't miss me- I had long ago established a cowardly nature in the eyes of those around me.

But how would I get a troll in Hogwarts? Even Muggles tend to notice when full grown trolls stomp around, and I needed to get one into one of the most secure and protected magical buildings in Europe! This would prove tricky.

My master's encouragement was helping me to think more quickly though. I don't mean the type of encouragement like when you dangle a carrot in front of a donkey to get the beast to move. I mean the type of encouragement like when you put a _whip_ behind a donkey to get it to move. I suppose the latter type of encouragement does indeed work best. The first way has too many risks involved. What if the donkey wasn't hungry for carrots? However, both man and beast generally have a healthy appetite for actions that make them avoid pain.

That sparked an idea in my brain. I then knew exactly what to do.

**Filch**:

Halloween. Ha! What a stupid holiday! Then again, all holidays are stupid. So are people who celebrate them. Maybe I'm just being pessimistic. Well maybe pessimists are the only non-stupid people or things in this stupid world.

Ah well. Better go to my post. Ever since Dumbledore decided to make this the safe house for the Stone, one of the staff must be guarding the front gate at all times. As this was Halloween and the stupid teachers wanted to be at the stupid feast, I was the lucky lookout for tonight.

I would like to swear right now because of the monotony of this job, but Mrs. Norris was with me. She shouldn't be exposed to that kind of crude language. Some people say I care more about Mrs. Norris than this entire bloody world. I think those people should shove something sharp and pointy up their noses, but they are absolutely right.

Urgh! What is that smell? It smells like a mixture of old socks and the type of public toilet no one ever seems to clean. Fantastic- whatever it is, I'm probably going to be the one that has to clean it up.

Then I see it. It's twelve feet tall, and it's a troll. I rub my eyes to check that they are functioning correctly. Most unfortunately, they are. When the troll lumbers over, my 20/20 vision allows me to read the sign around the creature's neck. I'm torn between attacking the troll and sobbing. The sign, glowing in the moonlight like a sinister beacon simply reads:

TRICK OR TREAT?

I want to kill the troll, I really do. But I would lose since I'm only a Squib. So now the troll is standing right in front of the front gate. And- oh come _on_- I think its actually trying to give me a puppy dog look so I'll open the gate! If you've never seen a troll try to look cute, consider yourself lucky.

Now I'm starting to get worried. The troll is about a meter away from me, and that measurement is decreasing as he reaches his gigantic arm out towards me. So, I calmy did the only sensible thing I could. I screamed like a pixie and ran towards the stairs that would lead me back into Hogwarts. I would have made it too. A meow behind me made me stop. Mrs. Norris had climbed onto the troll.

**Quirrell:**

Oh this was great! I wish I could enter this in Witch Weekly's Top Funniest Wizarding Moments! Filch, in a pathetic attempt to rescue his cat, had climbed on top of the sign around the troll's neck. The sign was just a last-minute amusing thing I had thought up. The only real purpose it served was to entertain me while I watched from a window in the castle, a purpose it was fulfilling exquisitely.

Ho ho hee! This is classic! Mrs Norris became so terrified up on that troll that she was clawing everything in sight while running up the troll's neck. Usually this would only be funny, but when the cat used her claws to accidentally cut the rope the sign was on, it became hilarious! Filch managed to grab Mrs. Norris before he fell. Then he went down six feet before managed to grab hold of the troll's leg. Unluckily for him, he had fallen on the side the troll was swinging his club on. Avoiding the huge wooden stick, Filch jumped around to the back of the troll's other leg.

It was perfect timing too. The troll had gotten tired of waiting, so he kicked the gate open with the foot Filch had recently vacated. Filch himself had disembarked the troll, and was now cowering comically in terror as the troll made its way to the castle.

I left immediately so I could go play my part. Namely rushing into the Great Hall and fainting. This was a talent of mine, the acting. Before I became a faithful servant of the Dark Lord, I had always wanted to be an actor. Pathetic Gryffindors would say that I was giving up my dreams by serving him, but I know better. The Dark Lord promised me my own show when he takes over.

**Filch:**

I hate Halloween. An hour of questioning later, I'm finally free. Dumbledore seemed highly suspicious of my story, and its small wonder why. I didn't tell him the whole truth. I would be fired if I did that, because the obvious thing to do would be run for a real witch or wizard, not save your cat. If Dumbledore is as great as everyone says then its possible he wouldn't have fired me, but I'd prefer to be cynical and safe then out of a job and sorry.

I have a reputation with Dumbledore for not being very smart. I used this to my advantage during the questioning. That sounded quite shrewd. Maybe that Kwikspell course is working….anyway. I said that the troll came up and I told Dumbledore about the sign, but that's all the truth he knows. Then I just told him I assumed the troll was being controlled and brought in for the Halloween festivities. Dumbledore actually bought that, and merely gave me a word of advice before I left.

"Argus?" I turned back around. Dumbledore smiled. "One more thing. Next time, never let in a trick-or-treater on Halloween."

I stood dumfounded. For being the greatest wizard that ever lived, Dumbledore sure was thick.


	2. Chapter 2

**All rightie I'm back with chapter 2! This one is with Lily and James. Since I am trying to avoid making this story AU as much as possible, you should be warned that there are some major character deaths in this chapter. Please don't hate me for poking fun at tragic scenes! This is kinda long, sorry. Anyway….on with the story! **

**Lily and James**

**James:**

It was just like any other normal day in Godric's Hollow. There was no sign that Voldemort would choose today to find us. That is because it _was _a normal day in Godric's Hollow, and Voldemort wasn't coming till tomorrow.

No, no, I am not being omniscient. I just happen to know that he's coming over tomorrow because I invited him to my house for a spot of tea. I'm not crazy! Really! It's just that we're both dreadfully bored of all of this hiding from Death Eaters/Aurors. So we have some common ground here.

To be absolutely sure this meeting is safe, we both are getting rid of our wands. Things are much simpler that way. Besides, if we end up dueling like Muggles- do you really think that that weed of a Dark Lord will stand a chance against my well toned muscular Quidditch body? I think not!

**Lily:**

Oh honestly! Men! I was just putting my darling Harry to bed when James comes bursting in the room, babbling on about how he forgot to let me know he invited an acquaintance over tomorrow. At first I don't mind, and don't think much of it when James tells Sirius to tell Peter to tell the said acquaintance where our hiding place is. Come one, I thought rationally, it's not like James would be stupid enough to invite Voldemort himself over here or something!

Or so I thought. It's morning, and I had just finished cleaning up everything so it would look nice for our guest. Then I realized I had no idea who this 'guest' was. However, the doorbell rang before I could ask my husband who his acquaintance was. I should have been suspicious of the fact that it was an acquaintance, not a friend. I turned around to greet the guest, but when Lord Voldemort stood in my face I started to shriek terrible, terrified screams.

**James:**

Dearie me, this was _not_ going well. I tried to calm Lily down at first, but it was very clear that this wasn't going to work. Finally I gave up explaining and did the only thing I could that would ease her pain. I lied through my teeth.

"Lily darling! You must stop screaming or you'll give Marcus a bigger head than mine!"

Lily stopped her shrieks immediately. "M-Marcus?"she asked shakily. Voldemort, being the shrewd guy he was, cottoned on to my plan and came to my aid.

"Why of course! I'm Marcus….McGibbinlosterinsonton. Obviously." I thought the name was a tad conspicuous, but Lily seemed to take it in stride.

"Well tell me Mr. McGibbinlosterinsonton, why are you dressed as Lord Voldemort?" Luckily I knew what to say to this one.

"Lily I'm shocked! Surely you must remember what holiday this is?" before she could get a word out I launched back into my explanation. "It's Halloween! Marcus here, being Muggle-born, dressed up as Lord Voldemort for Halloween! Quite a scary costume choice aye?" Lily nodded weakly. I decided it would be a very good idea to get Lily out of the way so she couldn't question 'Marcus' any further.

"You know what Lils? How 'bout you run out and get some candy in case we get any more trick-or-treaters!"

**Lily:**

Ooh! He made me so mad! Just embarrassing me like that and letting me scream in front of Marcus! And speaking of Marcus….what a weird last name! But most Muggle-borns were changing their last names to ones that sounded more wizard-like in these dark times. I wasn't about to laugh at Marcus', especially when I knew people whose last names were Longbottom and Zonko.

So now I was looking around for candy in our kitchen. I had a nasty feeling James just wanted me out of the way, because with the Fidelius Charm in effect we obviously couldn't have trick-or treaters! It was quite clear to me this house didn't have any candy in it besides a few Sugar Quills, but being the perfectionist that I am I really wanted to get some candy now.

Then I remembered a useful spell I had learned in one of the many books I had read. It was often mistaken for a duplicating spell, but in fact it was only a spell that took whatever it was you wanted from the surrounding area and brought it to you. The only thing you needed was one example of the item you wanted or else who knew what could turn up?

I grabbed a Sugar Quill from out of the cupboard. _Portaduplicus! _I whispered. Immediately there was a large pile of Sugar Quills sitting in front of me. Perfect, I thought. I only hoped that whoever these Sugar Quills came from wouldn't miss them…..

**James:**

I was a bit surprised when Lily came back holding a bowl of Sugar Quills, but I had drunken several glasses of firewhiskey by then and no longer cared. Voldemort and I were having a grand old time playing cards. Geez can that Dark Lord drink or what? He just downed his third pint and he's still winning every card game!

Supposing I had best talk to my wife, I asked her where she'd gotten all the candy. She replied she had borrowed it permanently without permission from someone in the surrounding area.

"Oh." I said, hiccupping happily. Fortunately 'Marcus' was experienced and sober enough to understand what Lily said.

"So who did you steal the candy from?" he asked as I choked on my drink. Lily? Stealing? And she said _I _was setting a bad example for Harry!

Lily blushed. "Stealing is such a mean term for it….but really I don't know where it came from exactly. I just did a spell."

Pushing through a drunken haze, I stood up. "Here. A simple Tracking Charm should tell us whose candy you got." Concentrating harder than I would normally need to, I performed the charm. Immediately a small slip of paper shot out of my wand with the name of the candy's owner on it.

Fenir Greyback. That was the name. Lily gasped. Everyone knew that getting on Greyback's bad side was not a good idea for people who didn't want to end up as a sandwich. Even Voldemort looked a bit worried.

"Well, he's probably not going to find out." I commented bracingly. "I mean, first of all he'd need to notice the Sugar Quills are missing, and then he'd need to be smart enough to do a Tracking Charm on them, and then he would still have to force the information out of Wormtail for where we're hiding. No way will he be able to do all of that!"

**Lily:**

My husband comforted me for a while by shouting insulting things about Greyback's IQ for a bit. James was right. Fenir was vicious, but not too bright. And Peter, being an Animagus, would have no reason to fear a werewolf. Everything was going to be all right. I hoped. Actually I really doubted it would be. My husband was drunk, playing cards with a guest while I attempted to get rid of the Sugar Quills. I really should have looked up the countercharm for that spell before doing that. It wasn't fair! James did reckless things every day and nothing bad ever happened! Now the one time I do something a tiny bit chancy suddenly an insane werewolf could claw through the door at any minute! The injustice! My anger quickly evaporated when James came stumbling over to me.

"Lily! Take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off-" he stumbled back out of the room and ran over to where the door had burst open and Greyback stood looking livid. Marcus threw a curse at the werewolf (although he was still in human form since it was only a half moon tonight). The curse hit and Marcus gave a very high-pitched laugh. Those five pints were finally taking effect. Fenir seemed to realize his two opponents were very drunk and Stunned them both without much difficulty

I was about to flee upstairs to protect Harry when Fenir himself randomly fell to the ground. I stopped, looking around at the three bodies laying all over my living room. James stirred and I ran to his side. Well, I tried to run over to his side, but I was paralyzed with shock. Hey- don't people always say it's the thought that counts? Mentally, I was at his side.

Then I tried to figure out why Greyback was unconscious. I went over to where he had fallen to the ground, when suddenly he jumped up. He had been faking. Getting over my surprise that the idiot had actually tricked me,I screamed and immediately ran into Harry's room. Admittedly this wasn't a very smart move, bringing a werewolf into your son's room, but I was panicking!

When I realized what I had done, I pleaded with Greyback not to kill Harry, but me instead. It seemed like all was lost, but then I remembered something. Remus always hated bright lights because of his condition, so it would make sense if Greyback would feel the same. Last Christmas for Harry's present James had installed a laser lights show in his room. I jumped over to press the button that turned it on.

Multicolored lights flew everywhere. Greyback shrieked in agony as a pink one burned his retinas and he fell to the ground, twitching. A green light hit my poor baby Harry's eyes, but he didn't seem to mind. He just fell back asleep (I swear he gets that trait from his father, not me).

I was about to go turn off the lasers when they stopped. A girlish high-pitched laugh from behind me told me Marcus was up, and hopefully James as well. I turned around. And then fell to the floor myself, giggling at Fenir. The lights had hit him at close range, creating rainbow-colored crisscrossing patterns all over him. It was a very funny sight. And speaking of that, what on earth was Marcus wearing…..?

**James:**

I think I get what happened. Lily just warded off a werewolf by blinding it with a laser lights show and now my pal Voldie, wearing a fluffy pink bathrobe he won from me in cards, is returning Greyback to his house with a note of apology saying we'll remember to ask before taking his Sugar Quills again.

Crap I dunno if that really is what happened or if that's just a sign of drinking too much.

Now the Potters were alone in our house once again. Me and Lily were relaxing in the living room when suddenly something that looked suspiciously like a garden gnome popped in front of us. It looked slightly uncomfortable.

"Ahem." It said, clearing its throat. "On behalf of the Big Guy up there, you know the one, it is my duty to inform you that he requests your presence for tea indefinitely right now. Oh and he apologizes for sending my brother to partially kill Voldemort and modify his memory after this is over."

_What?_ I thought, _This thing is insane!_ The gnome went on to explain what _should_ have taken place tonight really didn't, and so the whole future of the entire world rested on the fact that we die tonight. It was all fine really, me and Lils decided to come peacefully since we'd rather not make the judge of our souls unhappy. Well, it was all fine until Lily decided to ask what went so wrong tonight.

"Well, the boss wasn't really banking on Mr. Potter here inviting a Dark Lord over for tea. And he really was thrown by the Dark Lord accepting and calling himself Marcus…" The gnome didn't get to finish, Lily interrupted.

"JAMES POTTER I WILL KILL YOU!"

"But sweetums! It was an innocent invitation! And anyway, you can't kill me, we're dieing anyway."

"Oh yeah." Lily looked slightly put out.

The gnome looked relieved. "Well let's be off then. Take my hand now, that's it, this will be just like Apparating." Lily glanced sadly over at the door to Harry's room. The gnome caught the glance. "Don't worry he'll be fine. And heaven ain't all that bad! We have all the Sugar Quills you can eat!"

Lily and I groaned.

**Sorry if Lily and James seemed a bit thick in this- R&R pretty please with your preference of things on top! Oh and also if you noticed Voldemort brought his wand anyway even though he said he wouldn't.**


End file.
